To my loving husband. To the father of my rambunctious, high energy daughter.
I am so sorry.
I am sorry that some nights (most nights) I am too exhausted to cook dinner. I feel guilty for that. Other moms do it.
I am sorry that you have to take out the trash every week. Other moms do it.
I am sorry that I haven’t cleaned the toilets, instead choosing to work on my own web development goals. This should not be the priority structure of a stay at home mom.
I am sorry that I poke you in the back in the middle of the night because I don’t want to get up with her. Other moms let their husbands sleep. You have important work to do, after all.
I am sorry that I don’t have her enrolled in swim classes and music classes and pre-calculus classes, choosing instead to spend long lazy afternoons at the park, or playing at the mall. Other moms get so much stuff, expect so much, for their one year olds.
I am sorry that when you come home and she has been screaming at me and hanging off my neck all day, that I don’t want to hug you and catch up on your day. That all I want is space and time alone. Other moms are supportive and loving no matter what.
I am sorry I haven’t lost that last 10lbs. Other moms aren’t squishy around the middle, other moms look perfect.
I am sorry that I am not the perfect housewife, the perfect mother. I am sorry I haven’t spent mornings making hand-print art projects to surprise you with and baking cookies in the afternoon. I am sorry that I have found it nearly impossible to get much of anything done other than chasing our daughter around in circles. (And laundry. Lots of laundry.)
Thank you. Thank you for doing all of these things. Thank you for loving me, for being there for me, for supporting me through all the tears and many sleepless nights. Thank you for (I’m sure you will be) rolling your eyes when you read these apologies, for saying what I know you will say, that I am a wonderful mother and wife. Thank you for thanking me for the time I spend with our daughter. For telling me what an amazing job you think I’m doing, and for giving me the time and the space I need to focus on myself.
You are truly an amazing father, a formidably wonderful husband. I appreciate every single moment with you: my love, my life. I couldn’t imagine this journey with anyone else.
I’m cooking dinner tonight.